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The Double Standard of ' Body Count': Men vs. Women

The Double Standard of ‘Body Count’: Men vs. Women

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  There are few questions that make women roll their eyes harder than: “What’s your body count?” In 2025, it’s wild that we’re still having this conversation, but here we are. And the double standard is still alive and thriving, one that praises men for experience but shames women for the same thing. Why Does “Body Count” Even Matter? Asking about body count is rarely about safety or emotional readiness. Most times, it’s about control, comparison, or judgment especially when the question is aimed at women. A man with 10+ partners? “He’s just living life.” A woman with the same number? “She’s ran through.” Does it make sense to you? How the Double Standard Shows Up This isn’t just about dating apps or banter on social media. This mindset leaks into friendships, relationships, even job spaces.  A woman who’s sexually active is often seen as less trustworthy, less respectable, less worthy, while men are seen as more desirable, more experienced, more “alpha.” It’s a system that pu...
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Body Neutrality vs. Body Positivity: Which Movement Actually Serves Us?

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  I was scrolling through Instagram last week when I saw a post that made me pause. A woman was sharing her “body positive journey” while clearly sucking in her stomach for the photo. The caption was all about loving herself, but something felt off. It got me thinking about this whole body positivity movement and whether it’s actually helping us or just giving us another impossible standard to meet. You know that feeling when you wake up, look in the mirror, and your first thought is about what’s wrong with your body? Maybe your stomach looks bloated, or your skin is breaking out, or those jeans feel tighter than last week. The body positivity movement tells us we should love ourselves anyway. But honestly? Sometimes that feels like another pressure. Let me tell you what body positivity is supposed to be about. It started as a radical movement to challenge beauty standards and fight discrimination against fat people, disabled people, and anyone whose body didn’t fit the narrow defi...
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Church Girls Have Sex Too and It’s Time We Talked About It

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  There’s this unspoken assumption that once you’re a “church girl,” you’re supposed to be above desire. You’re supposed to wear modest dresses, lead choir rehearsals, say no when boys come too close, and smile politely when people tell you,   “Ah, you’ll make a good wife one day.”   You’re expected to live your whole life in this little bubble where sex doesn’t exist until a wedding night magically appears. But here’s the truth: church girls have sex too and the silence around it is suffocating. The Double Life Nobody Talks About Many of us grew up with two versions of ourselves. There’s the version our pastors and parents know — the one who shows up early for service, wears skirts that brush the knees, and never asks too many questions about doctrine then there’s the version we keep hidden: the one that has desires, crushes, slip-ups, or maybe even a committed sexual relationship. The problem isn’t the sex itself, the problem is the guilt, shame, and secrecy wrapped aro...
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Why Are We More Comfortable Praying Than Getting Therapy?

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  Last Sunday, after service at my local church in Lagos, I overheard a conversation that has stayed with me all week. Two women were discussing a mutual friend who had been struggling with depression for months. “She should just pray more,” one said confidently. “God will heal her.” “Yes,” the other agreed. “All this talk about therapy… it’s not our way. Prayer is enough.” As I walked home through the streets of Victoria Island, I couldn’t shake the weight of those words. Here we were, in a country where mental health issues affect millions, yet the idea of seeking professional help remained wrapped in layers of stigma, cultural resistance and misunderstanding. The Comfort of Familiar Ground In Nigeria, prayer isn’t just a religious practice, it’s woven into the fabric of our daily existence. From the early morning calls to worship echoing across neighborhoods to the spontaneous “God will provide” that punctuates our conversations, faith permeates every aspect of life. When we fac...
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